Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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