They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
