I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
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I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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