it was like eating out sand paper
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
