Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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