He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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