So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
