fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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