I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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