Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
