I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
