I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
