I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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