Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
