Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
