I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
