Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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