I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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