I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
