i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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