oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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