I could make wine with my vomit
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
