The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.