You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!