Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
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There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.