Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.