If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
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Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!