i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
