Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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