Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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