ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
