As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Small penises have feelings too.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
