I bet he comes in French.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
