you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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