I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
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so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
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I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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