it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
