GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize