new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
