I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Terrible idea I love it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize