Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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