Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Randomize
