I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am available for nakedness
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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