I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
