he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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