i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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