i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
