You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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