We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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