my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
