just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
