the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
