i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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