Don't make out with my wife yet
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!