ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.