i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.