I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!