omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.