im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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