apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
