i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
