its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
