Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
