Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
